Ties of a
Gentle Man,
Delmer Lehi
Olson
--RaNae,
December 2000
Aunt Geneva
told me that even when Daddy was a small boy he liked to wear clean
well-pressed clothes and polished shoes.
He wanted to look his best.
I remember his ties best.
He would rush in from milking.
Mother would have his clothes laid out for him. He would bathe quickly, dress and come out of
the bedroom tying his tie.
Daddy took great pride in
his “knots”. He would hold the tie out
before him carefully adjusting the proportion between the fat and skinny
points. Then he would tie the tie
swiftly and precisely before checking in the mirror to evaluate its alignment
and tension. If the knot did not please
him he would undo and start again until it did please him.
He chose which tie to wear
with which suit very particularly. Many
ties came with labels such as “best worn with a black suit” or “to be worn with
a red of blue suit”. He explained to me
that reds and blue tones complemented one another while browns and greens did
the same. He showed me his suits hanging
in the closet and illustrated the different color “families” by pointing out
which of his ties he wore with which suits.
As well as care labels his
ties came with “designer labels”, some fancy, some not: John Blair Menswear, Sears Fashion
Collection, Pierre Carden of Paris and New York, Avenue S, Wemsilk by Wembley,
Isaco, Michaels, Mark of California, and Halston. Whoever the designer they were well modeled
by Dad.
Daddy was quite sentimental with his ties. He wore the same red tie as he was sustained or released from various bishoprics. He had a “wedding” tie he wore to perform marriages and a “funeral” tie he wore when he spoke at these services.
Many memories and analogies of Daddy’s ties came to mind as I tried to become my own tie designer.
Selection was a big
one. Of all the choices available I
found that in the end we do have to choose because we can’t “have it all”, “do
it all”, or “be it all”.
Some selections are easier
if they are thought out ahead of time such as integrity. If we know ahead of time which outside
choices go with which inside ones (such as the blues and the reds versus the
browns and the greens) the field is narrowed and the focus is sharpened. Other choices depend on the circumstances or
occasion. These decisions also are
easier if we have established traditions or predetermined our preferences. Our personal design shows its best qualities
by following the recommendations of our designer.
Like the knots of ties were
important to our father so are the nots of our lives, such as the nots we have
chosen or will choose as well as the nots he taught us. Some of the nots which he taught by precept
and example I remember best are:
1. Not to shirk responsibility
2. Not to judge a man until we’ve walked in his shoes for three weeks.
3. Not to lose our temper
4. Not to take the Lord’s name in vain
5. Not to forget who we are
Another lesson from the tying
of the knot can be one of proportion or priority. Even something of top priority can become out
of proportion if it is not balanced or checked with the other factors in our
lives. The “fat points” and “skinny
points” need to be evaluated and balanced with each other.
The greatest lesson I learned from observing my Dad and his ties is
that what is tied can be untied. If our
knots are not precise and square with the world, if they do not feel or look
right they can be undone. We can start
over. We can try another selection,
adjust our priorities and try again.
This is why in my sampler of ties there is one rather plain one, which
is only tacked not sewn in place. It
represents each of us and the choices we are free to make as well as the knots
we are tying. It represents our ties to
our father and mother: eternal, family and heritage ties. How we choose to tie our ties to Daddy’s ties
is ours to make. In the end it is our
selection, our knot and our tie.
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